An image from 2006
Dear Past Me,
The me that was in that “now”… in that moment, up counting the hours of sleep you’ll manage to maybe get on your fingers- and praying that you will be able to mother the small children that have all taken up residence in your bed. The mother that has lost her way because she is tired, and so tired… of living paycheck-to-paycheck…and feeding her kids spaghetti six out of seven nights a week, and praying jarred spaghetti sauce counted towards the vegetable quota you know they should be getting. The me that is selling baby clothes, and all the other things we can and can’t live with around the house on eBay, just to make it through until the next paycheck. The me strongly considering pawning her DSLR and maybe her wedding ring to buy pampers and keep the lights on. The me that never sees her husband because he is slaving to support us all.
You’re going to survive this. You are going to THRIVE. And there is more beauty and more joy on the other side of this than you can comprehend. There will be adventures and new relationships and so much growth. There is so much good just waiting for you to reach out and take it. You are going to put yourself out there regardless of how scary it is, and you will meet some people pretty good for your soul…and maybe some that will teach you some hard lessons too. You are going to stumble on an industry that very well may save your life.
Because as you are up all these nights, trading in a night’s sleep for knowledge. Drinking coffee by the pot and refusing to allow the temptation of just crawling in bed with the covers over your face and quitting, what you are doing now is going to teach you that you can live off of dreams. Honing in your skills, practicing and crying over Photoshop…and reading articles until your eyes crossed and your vision blurred…you weren’t helpless. You are doing something pretty amazing. You were doing something for YOU. It might be all you have aside from that sweet family of yours to hold onto, but it’s enough. You are enough. And you don’t know this now, but you are going to be pretty darn good at it. Maybe not the best… but you are going to make a life that you could be proud of. You are going to make a life for your children sleeping just behind you. And you will have thousands of beautiful photographs of them to show for it. You will find your way out of this.
Hang in there. Sunnier Days are coming. And know that as your priorities and your situation changes, you are still doing your best. Your best will always be enough. It has to be.
About the photographer:
Photo credit: Nicole Smith Photography
I am from somewhat of a small town in Connecticut, but have relocated to Northern Colorado 5 years a go now, and live what most would consider a modest life. I love what I do, but above all love my family. I spend most of my free time (what free time, right?) chasing my six children and spending time with my husband. I am the epitome of a homebody, and a bit of an introverted people person. I am also a full time natural light photographer specializing in Children and Families.